So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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