my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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