I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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