Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
