Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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