dude i'm inner monologue high
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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