On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just had sex on a roof
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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