I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
