Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can't turn off my feet"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
