Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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