Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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