Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
