Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
