just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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