Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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