More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize