Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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