Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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