I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
