you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
