Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
