he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
