I should be sponsored by Trojan
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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