Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
