Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
