my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
