Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
