I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
