Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
