As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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