11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
