so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just googled if crying burns calories
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize