It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
