i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
