ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
