omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
