You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
