She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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