Moan for me like Helen Keller
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
