the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
