gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
