Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
