I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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