You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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