I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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