dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
