I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
