Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Couch. On fire.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
