We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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