Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize