dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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