Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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