uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
