I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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