finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
