it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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