Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
