she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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