my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
