i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
