would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
