:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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