i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
