I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
