i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
