Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Oh god it's open bar.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize