If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
