so explain again why im purple
no
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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