Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
