i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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