you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
