for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
