How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
