Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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