There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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