how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
