Christians are straight up FREAKS
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
